


If You're Reading This

by justbygrace



Series: Inspired by Songs [13]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Canon verse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justbygrace/pseuds/justbygrace
Summary: Four letters the Doctor wrote to Rose Tyler





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Tim McGraw song by the same name.

If you're reading this then I've gone and regenerated. I hope it was a good death and I saved people, maybe as many as I've killed. Hope it wasn't something embarrassing and I wasn't all stupid at the end. But I suppose that's all over and done with now and you've got more important things on your mind. I'm guessing I never told you about regeneration, can't think of a way to bring it up, and hopefully I won't have to, but if you're reading this then obviously it happened. I do have some control over the regeneration process and I plan to get rid of this daft old face and the ears, wasn't paying too much attention last time around. I hope you give the new me a chance, maybe a couple of days. Even if you do decide that regeneration is too alien for you and want to leave, at least I have the satisfaction of having you through my life. You were right of course, this life is better with two and I've never once regretted asking you twice; you were worth it. Right now you're asleep, worn out after Ryoxis IV. Been a long couple of weeks, but you were absolutely fantastic, and me and Jack, we'd still be there if it wasn't for you. Anyway, this is getting long and I'm starting to ramble (hopefully that isn't a new trait, hate rambling me), so I'm done now. Never forget, Rose Tyler, you are brilliant.

If you're reading this then the storm broke and we aren't together anymore. I don't know what's coming, but it's in the air, getting closer every day and I...we're running out of time. I think you can feel it too, somehow, there's something in your face and the way you hold on to me. Having you with me, it is everything to me, please know that. Every day, every moment I am grateful that you are with me, holding my hand, running beside me. I know I haven't always made it easy for you and I'm sorry. I'm a bit of prat this time around and I know it. I need you to know though, that it was only ever you, that no one or nothing mattered apart from being with you. It's important Rose, that you know that even if I do send you away, I won't have done it because I stopped loving you, no, it's because you mean so much, too much, and I want you safe. Wherever you are, please, live a fantastic life. I know, you're telling me where I can shove that, but Rose, try. Don't waste your life on me, I'm not worth it. You have been and are and always will be so much better than I am. You're waking up now, starting to stir on the edges of sleep, and I need to finish this before you ask me what I'm doing. Maybe I'm wrong, I fervently hope I'm wrong, this time I want to be wrong, but just in case I'm not: Rose Tyler, you are absolutely fantastic and in case I never get the chance to say it, I love you.

If you're reading this then I am so, so sorry. I know you're sick of getting these, and I know that this isn't what you came back for. I'm writing this down in a hurry (sorry about the state, hopefully you can decode my scribbles), I don't have much time; you're in the Library talking to Donna and Martha and will probably be back any minute. Isn't that the way it goes though? Me, a Time Lord, always running out of time. Seems to always happen to us, doesn't it, and even now it's ticking down and you don't even know it. You're going to hate me for what I have to do, but I need you to know that I can't see any other way. If I could figure another way, a way to keep you with me, at my side, in my arms forever, please know I would. I made him promise, made him swear on all that is sacred, that he wouldn't leave you, that he would always be faithful, and that he wouldn't regret it. He loves you, Rose Tyler; he loves you as much as I do, maybe more. He's me, I need you to know that. He's me, but with that bit of human so he doesn't care as much about saving the world and consequences and all the other things that have always held me back. Please don't hate him, please don't blame him for this, it's at my request he isn't telling you right now. It's better this way, it has to be. Someday you'll understand, I hope, I pray, I believe you will. Walking away from you, it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to, Rose, I have to. I have to be what I am and I can't...I shouldn't...I won't endanger you anymore. I'm so sorry, Rose Tyler, I'm so very, very sorry. Please be fantastic, with him, for me, for us, for all of us. 

If you're reading this then I broke my promise and died before you did. I know I told you I was done with these letters, but I couldn't leave you without a few last words. I need to tell you how much I love you, have always loved you, and how much this life has meant to me. I know I tell you that every day (sometimes more, usually more), but I need you to know that it has never changed. This life together, it was bloody brilliant with two; everything I never thought I could have, our work, our traveling, and our children, especially our children. I would never have missed this for all the time and space and travel there was. Growing old together, this is the one adventure I always wanted and I couldn't have chosen a better companion to share it with. I know I drive you spare with my talk of grey hair and wrinkles (and oh please tell me I never had to get a cane!), but I love every single minute of it. You, Rose Tyler, you are the most brilliant, gorgeous, amazing, fantastic, determined, beautiful woman I have ever met and all that I am belonged to you from "Run." Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me a chance that day, for loving me far more than I deserve and never, ever leaving me, even when I probably deserved it. I can hear you coming upstairs right now and I promised you I'd take you somewhere warm and tropical for your birthday, so I need to end this. Rose Tyler, you are the love of my life, mother of my children, my lifelong companion, my best friend, and the only person who can challenge me, keep me on my toes, and still love me at the end of the day. There are not enough words in this English language to sum up my feelings for you. I love you, I love you, I love you.


End file.
